so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
