Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
