so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize