Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
