She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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