this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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