He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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