9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
