and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
