wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
