your room smells of hookers.
And success
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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