just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
