I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
