I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
