he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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