He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
