did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
