so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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