you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
