no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
