her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
