how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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