Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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