we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
