I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
