I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
