id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
