We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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