His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
