smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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