my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
