I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
