My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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