question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize