My liver just broke up with me...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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