She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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