Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
