READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
