You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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