...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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