Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
