you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
