I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
