I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
