Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
