When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Terrible idea I love it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
