every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
