So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Randomize
