if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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