He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
