He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
