There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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