what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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