Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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