I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
