Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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