you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
