I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
