i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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