yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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