i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
