when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
