I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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