I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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