real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
