My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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