i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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