i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
