No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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