Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
