My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will be naked everywhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
