i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
