She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
