I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
please come you make the beer taste better
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
