So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
