ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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