Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
