Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
