my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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