What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
