OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I intend to get homeless drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
