Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
