Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
